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Seven Tips for Dealing With Incompatible Sex Drives

10/24/2019
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Seven Tips for Dealing With Incompatible Sex Drives

by Dr. E. C. Gordon

Seven Tips for Dealing With Incompatible Sex Drives

Although sex is not the most important part of a long term relationship, partners with different sex drives can find that this incompatibility starts to interfere with other aspects of their relationship. If your partner seems to be less interested in sex, you can feel unattractive, insecure and frustrated. Meanwhile, if your partner wants to have more frequent sex, you can feel pressured and resentful. Read on to discover seven tips that will help you to understand and deal with the difference between your partner’s sex drive and your own.

1) Have a long, honest conversation:
If you refuse to talk about your sex life, any problems can be magnified and can start to infect unexpected parts of your interpersonal dynamic. After a while, the whole relationship may turn sour. Given these possibilities, avoiding the issue is one of the worst decisions you can make if you and your partner have incompatible sex drives. That being said, many people find it awkward and uncomfortable to have frank conversations about sex, so if you decide to be the one to instigate the conversation then make sure you do so in a way that encourages your partner to open up. Start out by saying that you are not blaming anyone for the issues in your sex life, and that you want to discuss them so that you can work together to find a solution that will make things better. If the conversation starts to become an argument, try to keep calm and remind your partner that you only want to discuss this topic because you care about making sure that the relationship is as good as it can possibly be.

2) Find out whether foreplay is an issue:
People sometimes start to desire sex less because they are not deriving as much enjoyment from the act. In some cases, this is because one partner needs considerably more foreplay in order to feel like they are in the mood for sex. If you are the person with the higher sex drive, ask your partner if they think they would enjoy physical intimacy more if you spent more time kissing or touching before sex. Meanwhile, if you have realized that you would want to have sex more often if your partner tried harder to ‘warm you up’, then say so. This information does not have to be presented in the form of a criticism. For example, you might simply choose to say that you love the way your partner touches you and that you think you would find sex even hotter if more of this foreplay was involved.

3) Consider different forms of sexual intimacy:
Incompatible sex drives occasionally result from physical difficulties or discomfort. For example, men who struggle with erection problems may have lower sex drives due to nervousness and anxiety associated with sex. Meanwhile, women who have regularly experienced pain during sex may start to shy away from the act in case it hurts them. If you and your partner think that your sex life is being undermined by these types of physical issues, give some thought to expanding your sex life. For example, you might start focusing on manual or oral stimulation instead of intercourse.

4) Never have sex if you do not truly want to:
If your sex drive is lower than your partner’s, their unhappiness and your own feelings of guilt may make you feel as though you should just ‘get on with it’ even if you do not feel like doing so. While this may temporarily please the other person, it tends to have negative consequences in the long term. You may feel used or disconnected from your partner, and if they realize that you are having sex when you do not want to then they may feel offended and embarrassed. This type of well-meaning deception can cause trust issues that run deeper and last longer than the problems in your sex life.

5) Never pressure your partner to have sex:
If you have a higher sex drive than your partner, it is vital that you never make them feel as though they are under pressure  to have sex with you. While you should always be honest if a lack of sex is making you unhappy, you need to draw a distinction between being truthful about your feelings and trying to manipulate your partner into being physically intimate so that you feel better. Your partner is under no obligation to do anything that they do not want to do, and trying to pressure someone into having sex is a form of psychological abuse that violates the person’s autonomy.

6) Think about trying new things:
If you used to have compatible sex drives and there are no obvious physical or emotional issues that could be causing a reduction in one of your sex drives, boredom may be the root cause. Although it is often easiest to continue repeating a tried and tested sexual routine, over time the repetition can lead to one or both parties feeling somewhat numb to what used to be a satisfying source of stimulation. When prompted to reflect, the member of the relationship with the lower sex drive may realize and admit that they would be more interested in sex if there was more variety on offer. You can then discuss new positions, purchases and ideas that might make intimacy more exciting (and make your sex drives more compatible).

7) Explore counseling:
Finally, sex therapists and certain relationship counselors are trained to help couples explore the reasons underlying their sexual difficulties, so it is worth considering this option if discussions between you and your partner have not managed to improve your sex life. Although it sounds daunting to discuss something so personal with a stranger, remember that counselors and therapists are required to abstain from judgmental behavior or remarks and that they will have seen many other couples with problems that are more unusual than yours.

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How to Realize Your Sexual Fantasies With Your Partner

10/24/2019
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How to Realize Your Sexual Fantasies With Your Partner

by Calvin Kelly

How to realize your sexual fantasies with your partner

We all have sexual fantasies. Some are tame idiosyncrasies while others can be intricately hardcore. Either way, if you want them to play out in real life, you’re likely to need a willing partner. The crucial element in undertaking the realization of these ideas is trust between yourself and your significant other. Especially when they may be stepping out of their comfort zone to make it happen. So how do you broach the subject and what rules should you follow to ensure that you both enjoy the experience?

Before opening the floor to fantasy confession, make sure your relationship is in a healthy state. It’s unlikely that you’ll both have the same fantasies, so at its core you’re dealing with compromise and nothing stunts this process like an unresolved argument. Choose an appropriate place where you can talk freely, and a time where you can both focus on the topic without any lurking interruptions. Begin by asking if there’s anything new they would like to try in the bedroom. Make it about what turns them on.

If they’re unsure, suggest minor experimentation at first. Don’t come flying out of the blocks with heavy bondage gear. Small steps will ensure there’s no shock factor that leads to him or her closing the door on fantasies for good. It’s important to make them believe that you want to fulfill their desires. At the end of the day you’re going to be asking them to play a part in your fantasy and they will be far more willing to participate if they feel you’re paying attention to their needs first. Give before you can take.

Once your partner has made a suggestion that you are both comfortable with, make sure you stick to what was discussed even in the heat of the moment. Obviously if they respond favorably during whatever is it you’ll be doing, then taking it up a notch is an option. But ask them first. Communication while you’re getting down and dirty is vital, it reduces the possibility of detracting, awkward moments. Talking will also pump up the eroticism. Hearing them verbally describe how good it feels and what else they’d like to do will definitely raise the level of intensity.

Once a dialogue has been opened regarding the fulfillment of fantasies and you have willingly entertained your partners ideas, your turn should come around automatically. If not, then it’s time for you to either lay down the law, or move on. In most cases however, they will be keen to reciprocate. As with their fantasy, start slow with yours. Small steps add anticipation to your sexual relationship, whereas if you go straight for your ultimate fantasy, it’ll be tougher to figure out what’s next, never mind the possibility of scaring them off for good.

No matter how intense your fantasies are, if you allow your partner to slowly adapt to them, you’re less likely to encounter hesitation or refusal. Below are a few good starting points for an array of the better known fantasies.

Bondage

Use everyday items like your partners tie or a stocking to secure them to a bed or table. It will feel less like actual bondage and more like you’re just playing around.

Sex toys

Start with a small, lipstick-sized vibrator, and use it externally to begin with. It’s about getting used to something else in the bed.

Exhibitionism

Try your own garden first before you take on a not so hidden public rendezvous. Make sure it’s late afternoon or evening so the light isn’t too harsh.

Domination

Tell your partner that the next time you’re getting frisky, it’s going to be all about them, but that you’re in control. If they flinch at something you’re doing, communicate and take a step back if necessary.

Role Play

Start the discussion over email or text so it’s less embarrassing than having it face to face. Keep the tone light and playful, humorous if possible.

Everyone has an inner deviant in them. Some let in come to the surface freely, while others don’t even know it exists. No matter which category your partner falls into, you can, through subtle suggestion, unselfish actions and clear communication, enjoy the realization of your fantasies. Start with opening the dialogue, take small steps, be aware of your partners physical and emotional responses and respect the boundaries you’ve both agreed upon. In this way, you can go further than you previously imagined and have incredible amounts of fun along the way

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Couples Intimacy Tips

Couples Sex Toys: Revive The Spark In Your Relationship

10/24/2019
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How to Revive Your Relationship’s Spark (Top 6 Eye-Opening Secrets)

According to the U.S. National Center for Health Statistics, there were more than 700,000 divorce cases in 2017, and the number has been rising exponentially. Without a doubt, the high number of separations is a testament to the hurts and wounds that relationships are sustaining both in America and across the globe.

The article will enlighten you on what marriage and relationships therapists are saying about rekindling the fire of your relationship.  We suggest you and your partner come down to a Romantic Depot location near you and browse our adult sex toys, join a workshop and in doing so you’ll hit all 6 of these tips.

1. Communicate Frequently and Effectively

There are only three rules to successful relationships. These are:
– Communication
– Communication
– Communication
Most relationships turn sour because of poor or lack of communication. Effective communication, in contrast, enhances your connectivity with your partner and helps you exude positive emotions that strengthen your relationship’s bonds.

In addition, good communication enables you to address issues in your relationship clearly and in a non-judgmental manner, minimizing possibilities of conflicts and confusions.

2. Listen Actively

Active listening is as crucial as effective communication. M. Scott Peck, a renowned American psychiatrist, contended that it is not possible to fully listen while doing something else. To listen to your partner effectively, focus on what he/she is saying without daydreaming, desist from planning your response ahead of time, and be genuinely interested in what your partner is saying.

3. Ask! Don’t Assume

The “I thought…” has crippled many relationships, both new and long-term.

When in doubt of something, have the courage to ask for clarification instead of relying on assumptions. Sometimes (most times) your assumptions will be inaccurate, causing you to hurt the feelings/perceptions of your partner.

Avoid assumptions as much as possible because they impair understanding, dent communication, and ignite unreasonable conflicts in your relationship.

4. Redo What Made You Fall in Love in the First Place

The activities that you stopped doing could be the culprits for your depressing love life. To rekindle your relationship’s fire, make a list of the crazy things you used to do together after falling in love.

These things could be going out on Friday nights, preparing exquisite meals together, or playing video games on your laptop. Besides reviving your relationship’s spark and excitement, these activities make you fall in love again and again.

5. Compliment Your Partner but Don’t Overdo it

What gasoline is to vehicles is what compliments are to relationships. Compliments motivate your partner, foster a solid trust, and spice up your romance life. Dare to throw a genuine compliment to your partner when she buys a beautiful dress, when he gets a good hair cut, or when he perfectly matches his fashionable outfit.

6. Put Your Phone Down

Recent studies conducted on human interactions have unveiled that technology, especially the use of mobile phones, has drastically led to an increase in separation and divorce cases. Putting your phone down or turning it off eliminates the element of distraction, allowing you to engage in a deep and meaningful conversation with your partner. In effect, you will narrow your emotional distance and enjoy an enriching relationship.

Do you want to start enjoying your relationship with a whole new level of desire? Communicate effectively, listen attentively, avoid assumptions, start doing the things you did after falling in love, frequently compliment your partner, and minimize interactions with your phone.

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Looking for activities that can build trust and allow couples to play together?  Check out our BDSM products. We also have BDSM workshops to help get you started!

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